Several people tried not to look at me like I was totally nuts when I told them I was having this baby at home. Even I might question someone doing it twice. I mean after the first one, whatever point has been made, so why not just go for the drugs, the comfort, and the peace of mind somehow others find in the hospital? Well, for one thing I don't worry. I never have really and I don't plan to start. It's like sitting in a rocking chair going back and forth and not getting anywhere. Not to mention that God says, "Do not Fear" more than anything else in the entire Bible and for whatever reason with me it stuck. I must also acknowledge that my parents had a great deal to do with this mindset. You see when other kids were going to Disney World and listening to random eighties songs with their parents, my Dad was taking me to hear Zig Ziglar and listening to the Power of Positive Thinking among other self help tapes in the Taurus wagon. My mom could be repeatedly handed buckets of lemons and before long she would have made some lemonade... every single time. This is just one of the many blessings I count when it comes to those two.
So, a few days before Nehemiah Cruz made his grand entrance I started wearing this shirt around and believing it.
I was lying on the bed with my darling and we both heard a huge sound, the bed shook, and we looked at each other with flying saucer eye balls. A few seconds later I let him know, "Get your game on baby, my water just broke." I got into the tub and that sweet man started pouring hot water on my back out of our set of plastic ducks. When the flood of pain started to come it brought questions with it. Why oh why did I want to do this again??! What was I really thinking?! Then this remembrance washed over me. Images of Adelaide's birth and the most palpable presence of God I have ever felt in my life. I remember wondering afterwards if it was that God just shows up when we need him the most or perhaps He is always there but when we are in pain we cling to him for all we're worth. During both of their births I was given just one line from God and I remember distinctly. With Adelaide it was an almost audible, "I am here with you" and with Nehemiah it was, "I am bringing him here." The timing so perfect. I was about to be sick and then it came over me. He came over me, taking care of me, helping me. I whispered the promises over and over. Then I heard the midwife say, "Now reach down and catch your baby."
So I did with all the joy and relief in the world.
Seconds later he was on my chest.
Beauty in its purest form.
