Heaven

  I'd like to consider myself a fairly decent trip planner. I love to travel and by that I mean actually seeing and experiencing new places not the physical act of getting there. Almost always that is what I waste time on if I am in the wasting time mode.... where shall we go and what shall we do?? Oh there are so many beautiful places to see and we are only here what 70+ years so I guess we better get moving.
 I really don't think of heaven often actually, there isn't much thinking going on of any kind but more like a survival of sorts taking place. So, today when I was putting away the groceries and Julian saw me with the Nutella, he practically shrieked, "Oh please mom!"...."Well, if we must", I said. I proceeded to tell him to get ready because he was about to die and go to heaven as I brought the chocolate and peanut butter toward his gaping mouth. After eating it he let me know that that really wasn't heaven because in heaven there are roller coasters and he knows that for sure because he saw it on a video at First Baptist. Oh my where do I even begin to go with this one. I just smiled and told him maybe that's true but I think we will be so happy to be with Jesus that we won't even notice all the roller coasters and Nutella.  Now that is one trip I'm not planning you see because that trip is planning me. Oh heaven here I come when I see the gates I think I'll run!

Merciful Monday

   Did I actually hear myself ask my son out loud if he had lost his mind? Oh I hate to admit it but I think I most certainly did after finding ink pen scribbled across the new white bedroom lamp I picked up from Target. I do believe I also stared at both of my boys with a look of absolute lunacy when I picked up a dollar bill from the floor in their room and it smelt of poo. Oh yes people this stuff cannot be made up. I tried to get the story out of them and all I really heard was mumblings about Cooper not being able to hold it and Julian conveniently rolling his little ambulance by with a dollar on top waiting to show up for the apparent emergency his brother was about to excrete. It was at this moment that I left them in their bedroom and found my phone to google what the least caloric liquor is because of course it is Monday and we are starting again with the whole "let's see if we can only eat 1200 calories per day" torture. It was after doing this that I said to myself I need some time with Jesus if I have to lock myself in the bathroom that is what I will do.
     So, I get my Bible and my current study and I just stare at it because on the front in huge capital letters is MERCY TRIUMPHS. It hits me like a ton of bricks and then cradles me as if I am a baby. I know the responsibility required of me and also what is showered down upon me each day.  Now as my knees rest upon these cold white tiles I hear the upstairs go quiet for a while and I know that God is raining down some much needed mercy on this mama.

Faithful Friday's

         What I am going to try to do on Friday's is write about my journey as a former Southern Baptist to a practicing Roman Catholic. I want to revisit the process myself and perhaps if at all possible, clear up the muddy waters and misconceptions about the Mary worshipers ah hem. It certainly wasn't an overnight ordeal friends believe me and I am still learning more all the time.

Part 1: WHY???

           My relationship with God was flourishing and I was often doing this Bible study or reading that spiritual book and didn't think there was anything I wanted to change about the way I did things. The way I saw the world was right because of course what my mama and daddy handed down to me was simply the truth and there was really no point in questioning that. The plan was to go to graduate school for speech pathology, a field I chose by the way almost solely based on the fact that my dad had met someone who practiced speech pathology and made $60/hr and it was "practical darling, a degree you can use" my father suggested. I tossed the plans I originally had to become an English major after I was told there was one on every corner, mostly jobless sitting around telling each other stories.
        I needed a little adventure before I had to give up my life for studying what to do with a kid that stutters and a grown up who can't remember the names of anything. I decided my adventure would be to become a river guide on the Ocoee river and conquer my fear of water. For some reason I thought this was a good  idea even though I can barely doggie paddle and only on rare occasions went to my friend Valerie's swimming parties when I was younger. That summer I met Damien, an Australian hardwood flooring guy, with a son, living on a mountain in a trailer, and of all things- Catholic. Let me just say that with all the pride I had in my little heart at the time, this guy wasn't even on the radar he had so many strikes against him. I mean I was planning to marry a doctor and travel all over the world as medical missionaries. Then one day as a joke I told him I was babysitting and he laughed and said so was he, though I thought to myself, I don't think it's babysitting if YOU'RE the parent. I then made another joke about getting together for a babysitting party, laughed and walked away. Then he SHOWED UP.........................

the family bed

        Eyes flutter open and the dreaded realization of her loneliness creeps in again. She decides to pull the covers back quietly lest she disturb the monsters that are lurking under her bed or for certain in the closet. Tip-toe, tip-toe down the hall until she arrives at their door.
     Just the sight of them brings a sigh of sweet relief. Her Dad is snoring steadily with hands folded over the fluff of hair on his chest. The street light dances softly over her mom's face as the branch blows outside the window. She has often wondered why her mother insists on one leg being outside the daffodil covered comforter, but never remembers to ask in the morning. She crawls into her spot between the wall and the top of her parents pillows and she waits. Only a few seconds tick by and her mom reaches out for her little four year old hand, not realizing in the wee hours of the night, that it was so much more than a lullaby. She was speaking the subconscious language of her love, her pledge, her fidelity to care for the scared little soul.
         To rise in the morning out of her parents bed, even with them missing and already busy with their day was like winning the lottery. Nothing competes with the splendid assurance that comes from residing aside those you cherish the most in the world. The first people to tell you who you are. So when she has met age and her husband has just turned out the light for evening, she waits for the pitter patter of feet coming down the stairs and when they come in and burrow next to her, she smiles and welcomes with open arms a peaceful night that whispers, "you belong".

wordless wednesday

music is my medicine

Saw this guy last night... so much fun danced until it hurt. We noticed that we were surrounded by rather youthful characters but didn't seem to mind, glad to have learned so many of the lessons of life that age tends to carry with it.  Here are some of my favorite lyrics to Undeniable.

It's undeniable how brilliant you are
In an unreliable world you shine like a star
It's unforgettable now that we've come this far
It's unmistakable that you're undeniable

February 5th, Friday morning, purple dawn,
Broke a yawn, as I stepped through the fog, like I stepped to a song
A moment like a poem, you wish you could hold it
I shut my eyes like it's frozen, it's gone when I open
It slipped past the clouds right there where it lingered
Like your band and a girl could slip through your fingers
My feet hit the ground like a beat for the lonely
On a path beaten down by the crowds in the morning

If only I could touch past the phony
If only they were there now to hold me
As the questions keep droning

You're the only one who stuck it out last night
The only other one who caught the other line
You're the only one when this world collides
The one that I can't deny

CHORUS

It's my last year here
My first class moved to portable 'A'
Under construction since summer
And it's cold today
I can see my breath, and what's left of the west parking lot
And all the spaces that we fought
And it all seems forgotten, left in the bottom
In past piles of rubble, in puddles of rain water
That hurt last night when I left like that
When I won't come back
Speaking my peace to the past
I can't help but wonder. who is this wind at my back
A whisper to walk on, come on from all that

You're the only one who stuck it out last night
The only other one who caught the other line
You're the only one when this world collides
The one that I can't deny

CHORUS

How am I gonna take it away in this winter wind
You found me on a summer breeze
How am I gonna run away when the autumn breaks
Now that you gound me in the spring
Come on and sing it out