the list

I often ask my kids to pray for me partly because I want them to know that this is what we do. This is what Dad and I do for them and what they should do for each other. Mostly though I ask them because I need it. I feel so overwhelmed at times thinking the world might implode if all of the pictures aren't hung on the walls after we've been living here for a week. Of course most of the madness is self induced but this is simply the hand I've been dealt. So, I explain to them that sometimes I feel like I can't do it all and I begin rattling off a repertoire of tasks, expecting somehow that my kids will be wowed, since I have yet to see the Mom award's show on TV, apparently it hasn't aired yet.
So, my sweet Cooper begins to pray...." Dear God, please help all the sick people. Please help mom as she has so much do to. Could you please give her at least 18 hands to do everything and please help her kids to help her. Amen" I thank him for that sweet prayer as Julian says, "It would be really cool if you had like 15 boobs too then you could just feed us all at one time."
I laugh long enough to forget all about the list and we go outside and play, checking off the most important thing.

Birth

Several people tried not to look at me like I was totally nuts when I told them I was having this baby at home. Even I might question someone doing it twice. I mean after the first one, whatever point has been made, so why not just go for the drugs, the comfort, and the peace of mind somehow others find in the hospital? Well, for one thing I don't worry. I never have really and I don't plan to start. It's like sitting in a rocking chair going back and forth and not getting anywhere. Not to mention that God says, "Do not Fear" more than anything else in the entire Bible and for whatever reason with me it stuck.  I must also acknowledge that my parents had a great deal to do with this mindset. You see when other kids were going to Disney World and listening to random eighties songs with their parents, my Dad was taking me to hear Zig Ziglar and listening to the Power of Positive Thinking among other self help tapes in the Taurus wagon. My mom could be repeatedly handed buckets of lemons and before long she would have made some lemonade... every single time. This is just one of the many blessings I count when it comes to those two.

  So, a few days before Nehemiah Cruz made his grand entrance I started wearing this shirt around and believing it.

I was lying on the bed with my darling and we both heard a huge sound, the bed shook, and we looked at each other with flying saucer eye balls.  A few seconds later I let him know, "Get your game on baby, my water just broke." I got into the tub and that sweet man started pouring hot water on my back out of our set of plastic ducks. When the flood of pain started to come it brought questions with it. Why oh why did I want to do this again??! What was I really thinking?! Then this remembrance washed over me. Images of Adelaide's birth and the most palpable presence of God I have ever felt in my life. I remember wondering afterwards if it was that God just shows up when we need him the most or perhaps He is always there but when we are in pain we cling to him for all we're worth. During both of their births I was given just one line from God and I remember distinctly. With Adelaide it was an almost audible, "I am here with you" and with Nehemiah it was, "I am bringing him here." The timing so perfect. I was about to be sick and then it came over me. He came over me, taking care of me, helping me. I whispered the promises over and over. Then I heard the midwife say, "Now reach down and catch your baby." 

So I did with all the joy and relief in the world.

Seconds later he was on my chest. 

Beauty in its purest form.

Lessons from my daughter

She recently turned three but from day one my heart has exploded with adoration for this child. Though as a parent I recognize my role as a teacher, there is much to be learned from these untarnished little souls if only we pay attention. Adelaide has revealed to me the beauty that lies within a gentle spirit, no need for all the rigamarole and raised voices when peace begets peace. She has shown me that a place still exists in society for eye lash batting and it can certainly be a valuable tool to get exactly what is desired especially from D-a-d. Life is too short not to wear tutus and lots of bangle bracelets if it makes you happy. The opportunity for a five minute morning snuggle as we watch everyone else rush off in their cars hectically trying to make it to school on time with pop tart crumbs trailing behind, makes every sacrifice that encompasses homeschooling worthwhile. When you see someone you love no matter how long it's been run up and give them a hug because its just better that way. Actions have always spoken louder. Share everything you have, even if its your favorite pink stroller. Choose to smile and be a ray of sunshine everywhere you go as you don't know who is trapped in the dark just waiting for a little light. I try to soak in all of these moments, taking notes as I go, grateful to have so many little teachers all around me.

Treasure Beach

Every now and then a place comes along that cannot be captured by pictures or even words.
A place that leaves even your soul feeling rested.
This is what we found at Treasure Beach in Jamaica.
A last hurrah before baby number four.
I always think the next trip will be the best of our lives no matter how it turns out which often means my expectations are a bit surprised on occasion, nevertheless the die hard optimism fails to leave me and this time I wasn't disappointed.
This kind of place is the reason I refuse to settle for mega resorts.
The reason I am willing to drive two hours after the plane lands over the pot hole ridden roads that lead to the middle of nowhere with three and a half children and a husband that holds my hand and must be asking what he has gotten into this time.
A place where Wayne rides his bike from a nearby village to cook our breakfast and dinner each day, rivaling some of the best food Cleveland has to offer for sure.
A place where my children play with the locals and marvel that even the firemen are black ;)
Where we watch the sunset every evening and try to name as many stars as we can after that from the rooftop.
We walk alone on the beach except for a few goats here and there and dogs that like to dig for crabs.
Waking to the same crashing waves that put us to sleep only to get into the hammocks by the pool rocked by the constant breeze.
I cannot say how many times I was overwhelmed by the majesty of it all.
How the gratefulness I felt brought me to tears.
My sweet son Cooper said it best today as he prayed before lunch, "Thank you God for letting us go on the best vacation ever in Jamaica."
Oh how HE loves us and gives us so much more than we deserve.